Nov. '08 Haiti Trip, part 2

We walked just around the corner to the clinic the two little boys were brought to; only to find out they had severe wounds to their head and some face wounds as well. Their names were David who is 4, and Wildeson(Solomon) who is 6. The resources at this clinic were very limited compared to the severity of the injuries of these little boys and I was very aware of that first thing. Their cries were heard throughout the 4-5 bed clinic and eventually they reached a point of exhaustion and gave up on crying. This was very very hard to watch. I helped assist the doctor as best I knew how in stitching up David's head as I was praying, while the only nurse that worked there continued to watch after and care for Solomon, who was stitched first. Perhaps I could forgive that the numbing medicine was not distributed evenly into their wounds, and that the medical care was sub par, to say the least, but I will never forget the grace I had to ask for in order to give it to the doctor for his lack of compassion toward the two little boys. Upon asking for this, God immediately reminded me of the abundant grace He gives to me. All I could mutter was for God to give me wisdom to know what to do. Being the only one with any medical experience on the team, I prayed for God's grace, wisdom, and complete reliance on Him when having to give educated guesses on the outcome of it all, when asked. At one point while going from room to room between the two boys, I was so overwhelmed with grief watching them scream in pain knowing this would never happen in the States, that I took my best friend aside and broke down in her arms with feelings of helplessness. I knew the injuries themselves(gashes through their skin to their skulls several inches long) were not necessarily life threatening, but risks for infection and brain trauma, if present, certainly were. Especially with the sterility, medicine, and medical equipment lacking in this clinic.

The plane ride back and next several days were very very difficult for me. Our team did not have a chance to really debrief, although we got close quickly after going through a number of unexpected events. A few of those consisted of: blowing two tires on the way to the airport, taking a detour into a remote village to avoid a police raid where a couple of people were murdered, and missing our original flight. We could not confuse our efforts with God's faithful hand as He provided outlets to every adversary we encountered out of our control.

I used the debriefing materials given to me by our leader and with God's grace and kindness, I sorted through many feelings and thoughts. I don't know if many of my questions will ever get answered here on earth, but God has met me and comforted me and shown me what is most needed in places where there are not churches on every corner. The Gospel of grace and Truth is needed. His gospel is hope when nothing else can offer it. I felt confirmation on this trip to eventually be involved with full time orphanage type ministry in poor places with many disparities. I recognized my responsibility and the gift of the Gospel I have to share with others. I learned to trust God in a different way. I learned and am still learning much more than I can articulate at this point. I am so grateful to God for this. I have been changed forever, and pray that only by God's grace, my actions will reflect the change. I also pray that any cynicism I have towards the blessed America we live in will be replaced with an abundant love and grace to offer people I encounter every day.


Prayer is a powerful powerful thing.

Nov. '08 Haiti Trip, part 1

I have never been on a missions trip where I was as impacted as I was on this one. I had the opportunity to travel to an orphanage in Haiti with a team of 11 other people. Compared to a one month trip I took, these four days seemed like several weeks. The purpose of the trip was to love on kids in the orphanage(sponsored by a mission's organization here in the U.S. called Hopegivers) and to paint a couple of "rooms." To keep this "short," I'll refrain from details about how I ended up going on the trip, facts about Haiti being the poorest country in the western hemisphere, and other incomprehensible, saddening facts etc. I will skip straight to the parts of the story where my heart was grabbed. This is my personal story with my personal feelings, however cliche they may sound at times. I will leave out a lot that I have shared with my Father in heaven on numerous occasions in order to get through the stories without my emotions drowning them out....

While checking out the different rooms in the orphanage, I was on the bottom floor looking out through barred windows at a group of kids from a nearby village. I noticed a little girl probably 6-8 months old who was naked and dirty, bent over crying on the ground. Any human instinct would be to go pick her up and wipe her down and attempt to offer some comfort to this baby. So that's what my best friend and I did. She was soothed and resting in our arms when it was all over with :). I have no clue where her guardians were and assume one of the kids around, none most likely over the age of 8, was carrying her around for the day. That is a picture forever engraved in my mind. One of them..

After looking at land purchased for a new school, we walked to a nearby village full of mud huts. The kind you see on the discovery channel or those commercials that don't seem real. We walked up to a hut the size of a living room here in the States, a home to 10+ people there. Some clothed, some not. There was a little girl, without any clothes anywhere from 1 1/2 to 3 years old in the distance standing in a field crying. Everyone else was standing in between two huts with other children around. The children were so thirsty, they would sheepishly point to the few water bottles we had and we would pour it into their mouths. As we started walking back to the truck, the Lord broke my heart to the point I was crying. It was at this point, I was plagued with both guilt and thankfulness for living in the U.S. The Lord continues to graciously work out these feelings. :)

Those are just a couple of stories that gripped me. This last story I will share was rather traumatic, but a privilege to be a part of, as it helped increase my faith and reliance upon the Lord tremendously. About 20 minutes after crossing the Dominican border and arriving at our hotel, Willeo, the guy over the orphanage and school, came walking viciously up to us(a good friend and I) saying two of the kids had been hurt badly. He said they might even be "near death...."

biscuits

I just ate 5 biscuits with pear preserves! This has got to stop.

awwww man

I recently(like 2 hours ago) dropped the book I was reading in the bathtub when I was relaxing. How sad? It's drying now, well kind of.

I just wanted to mention by the way, that the girl mentioned in the previous post (Andrea Neal was her name) left her medical form from the ambulance in my car...with all her info on it. :) I might be able to get in touch with her...hmmm, ya never know... :)

READ BELOW, I JUST POSTED IT!

Hope for the hopeless

So I was in Wilmington for my cousin's wedding this past week-end. It was a blast to say the least, from kickball with the wedding party(most of us) on Thursday, to giggling at night with new friends, to the beauty of a God-centered marriage on the actual day. BUT... I have a story...

Thursday night after kickball, we dispersed to our destinations with a couple of pit stops in between. For my sister and I, it was starbucks(I wanted to do some reading, she needed to work on the powerpoint for the rehearsal dinner) and for our sister-in-law(SIL) it was Ross...or so we thought. I picked up the phone to let my SIL in her car behind us (about 4 cars back) know to turn left at the next light. We were turning right as she started saying someone got in a wreck. To spare all the details, it was not a pretty sight so I went ahead and turned as planned into the shopping center and parked across from the wreck. Only to find out the girl who slammed into another girl was "stuck" in her car. After I saw nobody but one lady was heading her way, I just got out and approached her as well. We managed to get her out of the car(which is not what you should do medically but the other lady who was a retired nurse insisted we move her because the car was "going to blow up") and carried her to the shoulder of the busiest road in Wilminton(college road).

To spare you from even more details, I'll fast forward to the part where my heart got way involved. After doing my nursing assessment while holding this girl who was pretty hurt on the side of the road, and after her not going in the ambulance to the hospital, I was so sad for her as she explained her situation in a "im in shock and despair" sort of way. She ended up sitting with me in my car(with the heat full blast) and I was praying this whole time mind you, for strength to take the opportunity to share God's love, wisdom, and to hold my tears back as she was not crying herself. You see...

After a few questions and more details I won't go into, I found out she used to be a surg tech, she hurt her leg previously in February and does not have medical insurance, and she found out her mom has breast cancer THAT VERY DAY. All I managed to do for her in the short time we had in my car was listen, tell her how sorry I was, and pray a prayer of hope(I decided that's more so what it was). I cannot imagine her situation, how hopeless she must feel, but I know the God in whom I trust and serve is mighty to save and gives hope to the hopeless...so that's where I turned. I wish I could say she gave her life to the Lord in the midst of her physical and emotional pain, but that probably wasn't the time...if nothing else, the Lord sure used the situation to give me a heart check and remember no matter the circumstances, I know that as a child of God, I have hope.

"and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:5

"He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again." 2 Corinthians 1:10

I don't have a clever title for this post. :)

I didn't put a title because I have so many topics I want to talk about since it's been awhile. So here we go!...

Lately, I've been working a lot, a whole lot. Or maybe it seems that way because it's my only obligation right now...I pretty much work and then hang out with people of all kinds...all the time.

My job is great. I am so grateful to be a labor and delivery nurse...what a privilege. I mean who doesn't want to be at the first birthday ever? :) I don't really know how people used to give birth without a nurse around...gotta have a great husband I guess. ha. I'm about to transition to the "high risk" labor and delivery unit and I am scared outta my mind considering the dangerousness of the drugs I will be administering. But I will learn and it will be alright.

So I hang out with people a lot as I mentioned before, it has almost taken the place of how much I read but I'm trying to get back there because I learn so much from books. Which brings me to my next point. I'm reading this book by K.P. Yohannan called "The Road to Reality," and I won't give a book review right now but there are two sweet sentences that have jumped out at me as the Lord has used this book already to convict me and challenge me to die to myself and my fleshly desires.

This first quote is the author defending the truth about what Christianity in the western world is like today and a response to a believer who would say something like, "Christians aren't perfect, they're just forgiven" or "lets be careful not to put people on guilt trips or teach legalism." Now I am guilty as charged with thinking that sometimes, because I am prone to get grace confused with tolerance very easily. But Yohannan's response was this...and its good...

"We have to question a Christianity that has so distorted the gospel of grace that a simple call to obedience is mistaken for legalism."

How 'bout them apples?

I always appreciate new insight on issues such as grace and legalism like I said before because I swing to both extremes from time to time. Anyway, I feel like I have indulged in hedonism lately, finding pleasure in pleasure itself rather than Christ. Whether it be fun or food or internet, or people, nothing is more satisfying than Christ and the peace He floods my heart with. May I keep learning how to die to my flesh and take up my Cross and follow Christ, however rocky or smooth the road may be.

I'll stop here before I wanna tell the story about how someone offended me the other day and it was all I could do to not feel immediately judged when I said what college I went to...random, I know. But it happened...k that's all. :)

The Race

I literally just got back from a 1 3/4 mile run with a friend of mine. I told her I want to start running(again) and get back in shape while I can. Well, I just met this friend a week ago and we've had dinner once since then where the Lord was certainly present in our conversations. All this to say, she happens to be a runner and has been for many years. I didn't really know the extent of it until just now...she was a wonderful coach/encourager/and drill sergeant(sp?) while I dragged a footstep behind gasping for each breath praying deep down I would survive the next 1/2 mile without passing out.

Along the way, she would speak(I just knodded) great scriptures of running the good race, persevering to the end, etc. in effort to inspire me. Although my entire body felt like it was giving out, falling apart, and after my complaining when I had the breath to do so, I really was reminded of how life here on earth is merely a race, a journey and that giving up is just not an option. Ever. That's about it. More important than my Words, the inspired apostle Paul writes alot about this in his many letters to the church, etc. and I encourage you to check it out.

God is good, I am thankful for the health to be able to walk, run, and just live. He is the giver of all things good and is ultimately our very breath and next heartbeat. So keep running the race my fellow brothas and sistas. :)

Pausing to Think

The past few days have been nice. I actually had 3 days off in a row so I took them and headed to the beach to visit my cousin and his fiancee. They had to work while I was there, which gave me a chance to go to the Carolina shores and replay the whirlwind of a month it's been in my head. I was able to enjoy some R&R, and finally finish the spiritually thought provoking book I've been reading since May. :) We had some great fellowship together when they got home, whether it was grabbing ice-cream after dinner or going to watch my cousin play city league softball. It was encouraging and I was once again reminded of the blessing of a close family.

Last week I saw some crazy stuff at work and it scared me, but more so it stirred questions in me. Like, why are infants allowed to be taken home to abusive parents, alcoholics, drug abusers, etc. My heart wants to take the baby and run, but it breaks just as much for the hurting, broken, parents. I have always been kind of a people pleaser, or maybe just really easy to get along with. I have strong opinions mainly about spiritual things and everything else I could care less about most of the time. I want to help people, whether it be to solve all their problems, give them all I have, or whatever else, I am willing to do it. This can often lead me to be self-righteous and prideful especially in my thinking if I'm not careful to check my motives beforehand. To think that anyone needs me or what I have to offer, above Christ in me, is foolish. The bottom line is it's not about me, it's about the work Christ accomplished through the Cross for me and the abundant life He's made available to me. I want people to know that more than anything.

Now I'm back from vacation, and it's back to work I go tomorrow while my gracious parents will be moving me in to my new apartment(dad will put my bed together and mom will probably do some cleaning, etc.). It should be a fun, work-filled week-end!

Overwhelming joys

Well, life as I know it is going just great. When I consider the bigger picture, aside from the common everyday hassles of living in America, I am about as blessed a daughter of a King as any. God has consistently lavished his unconditional love and grace on me through this transitional phase of life even though I have not been as faithful to Him along the way.

I have recently met two really really cool girls to live with for at least the next year which has cut down on my living costs tremendously(so my whiny attitude has gotten better, ie, the last post). I really think they will be wonderful roommates and that mutual edification in our walks with the Lord will be of great priority in our household. That makes me excited.

The hospital is going well, I'm nowhere near starting my full time position strictly on L&D, but I'm learning the ropes of women's services(and boy are they long ropes!) slowly but surely. I have enjoyed every moment thus far. I still feel like I know absolutely nothing. :)

It is very nice to see that this is exactly where the Lord intended on me being, although it's completely different than what I had in mind, to a degree. There is no greater feeling than totally trusting in the Lord and feeling the peace that He gives in return. The Lord is continuing to restore my heart and love for Him as I filter through the unnecessary feelings, emotions, and baggage I've carried for the past year. I have learned not to put so much trust in myself, but rather in God's amazing grace and mercies that are new each day. I am looking for a church now that will continuously point me to the Cross and keep the Gospel at the forefront of every ministry, service, etc. In time, I hope to get involved in missions around the Greenville area as well. I've met some great, encouraging people along the way and hope to meet many more!

I'm eventually going to join a gym, or something...haha.

I am still nowhere near being settled here, but I have a decent jump start and in the midst of a wacky schedule and lots of PB&J's, I am finding my secure source of contentment and foundation in the Word. To God be the glory and praise for the blessings and grace He has lavished on me the past few months.

Hebrews 12:1-2

Real Life

...is expensive. Dag. I feel bad saying that because I am so blessed, but I'm beginning to see all the hassle with being completely independent. I think I may be alone in the way I feel about living as cheap as possible in order to put money in more important things/people/kingdom work, etc. but that doesn't really bother me.

I'm trying to find a cheap apartment where I will be working for two years and getting my masters(Lord willing) and I've come to realize there is no such thing! Awesome. Seriously, all I need is a bed. Maybe after I start working long 12 hr. shifts I will understand when people say, "yea but you will want somewhere to call home, a nice place to just relax." I hope I do understand, because until then even $500.00 seems expensive just for me to live somewhere when I don't really need an entire place as a single individual. Just because I will have money for my basic needs doesn't mean it has to be spent for them.

Haha...yea I am open to a change of mind, I'm not 100% stuck in my ways, I guess I just have a different mentality. This all will change when I have a family someday, but my needs are very basic and I just needed to vent about how all I need is just a place to sleep(which may or may not be worth $500.00 once I start work). :)

I gotta start spilling my thoughts more, its been awhile!

I am offically...

an RN. :) Praise God from whom all blessings flow...

The difference between face and hands

This past week has been a good one to say the least. I am learning and re-learning truths that are pertinent to God's children. But mostly God is fulfilling His promise that if we seek Him, He will be found. In the presence of a Holy God, there is only one place for us to take...on our knees/faces in humility. Not to say that you have to have your physical body in those positions, but mentally taking the position one might take before a King. Anywho, Isaiah 33:6 is what challenged me to lay aside the lie that God's presence is hard to find in the midst of difficult times. *Disclaimer: There are so many other verses that claim the promise of God's presence being with us, continuously. Check them out! It says:

He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure.

So I started thinking...yes, yes and yes. I would love to possess all of these TREASURES in increasing measures, so I must pray for a fear of the Lord. Indeed I have, and with that prayer, I got so much more. God continues to reveal His Holiness to me which births a fear of Him like none otha' and ultimately results in praise. I mean seriously, no matter what we're going through, God deserves praise. I know this, but sometimes I don't feel like it. But when God reveals himself and brings you to that point where you recognize His character and face above whatever he is or is not doing in your life, the fleeting decision to worship or not vanishes and there is an automatic, natural desire to praise and adore the King of our salvation.

The past few months, my gaze has been searching, longing to be set on the Lord...and it was to a limit. I was simply seeking His hand rather than his face...

Truth

God is doing a lot in my heart right now, including battling for kingship with the idols within, unfortunately. Confession, forgiveness, and sanctification are a sweet sweet thing. God is so faithful, I can always rejoice in the Lord. And again I say, Rejoice! Anyway, I will blog one day of all that is going on right now. But until then, below are song lyrics from Casting Crowns, and I think they're phenomenal...

What this world needs is not another one hit wonder with an axe to grind; another two bit politician peddling lies; another three ring circus society. What this world needs is not another sign waving super saint that's better than you; another ear pleasing candy man afraid of the truth; another prophet in an Armani suit.

What this world needs is a Savior who will rescue, a Spirit who will lead, a Father who will love them in their time of need. A Savior who will rescue, a Spirit who will lead, a Father who will love. That's what this world needs.

What this world needs is for us to care more about the inside than the outside; have we become so blind that we can't see; God's gotta change her heart before He changes her shirt. What this world needs is for us to stop hiding behind our relevance; blending in so well that people can't see the difference; and it's the difference that sets the world free.

People aren't confused by the Gospel, they are confused by us. Jesus is the only way to God, but we are not the only way to Jesus. This world doesn't need my tie, my hoodie, my denomination, or my translation of the Bible. They just need Jesus! We can be passionate about what we believe, but we can't strap ourselves to the Gospel. Because we are slowing it down. Jesus is going to save the world; but maybe the best thing we can do is just get out of the way.

Jesus is our Savior, that's what this world needs! Father's arms around you, that's what this world needs! That's what this world needs.

Mountains Beyond Mountains

I'm reading this book by Tracy Kidder called Mountains Beyond Mountains(it has won a Pulitzer prize). It's rocking my face and has been for quite some time. I recommend it to anyone who has a heart(this book will capture it) or is interested in health care in other countries. It's about the life of a Dr. by the name of Paul Farmer, and I've never read about anyone who is more of an advocate for the poor, namely, the Haitian poor of Cange. I want the passion this man has along with other characteristics I think are admirable. Really, I want a passion to serve others like him(in any capacity)...except with the Gospel of Christ at the forefront of all I do and being the purpose of all "I do" in this life.

I want to give like he gives to those really in need with wisdom and faith as my motivation. That's all, it's a really good book. Really.

One day...

Circumstances..."nothin' new under the sun!"

I have never been made so aware of the ongoing spiritual battles taking place among believers as I am right now.  In my own life, the past year it has been a very real battle and I've seen it too in the lives of those I love so dearly.  When I say battle, I mean battle.  I mean that there is actual armor(Eph 6) involved, but mostly and obviously, something very very worth battling over is at steak.  I throw in spiritual because that's just what it is if you are a believer...a spiritual battle.  Satan fighting against all that God has called you to be, and who Christ is IN you.

The bottom line is, satan is out to steal, kill, and destroy.  And he will try his best to do that in every and any circumstance in our lives.  If not, then I would certainly question the depth of someone's walk with the Lord, and I'm saying that to myself as well.  I hope no one misunderstands that sentence...but anyway.  If satan sees no threat of God having control in all of our circumstances, then there is no need for him to try to confuse or deceive, etc. us.  The Christian walk is not easy! haha(insert, "well thank you captain obvious!" here)...I'm typing this out for myself!  The great news is, the victory has been won in Christ, He accomplished and defeated any stronghold satan tries to get us with on the Cross.  Therefore, our Power lies in the Cross, our focus should remain on the Cross and our hope in Christ.  He is our refuge and ever present help in time of need.  He is so faithful, even when we are not and nothing can separate us from His love!  What then, shall we say to this, if Christ is for us, who can be against us(Rom.)?

Okay, I got way off of what I wanted to blog...it happens, haha!  As a constant reminder for me, it feels good to vent and remind myself of the truth that when battles arise, it is an opportunity for Christ to be glorified in us.  I must remember that if my gaze is ever on the Lord, where my hope and salvation come from, I can make it through anything satan brings my way...whatever poopy circumstances are surrounding!  It is so much easier to give thanks when focused on Christ and His character, rather than on what we may be going through.  He is always on the throne, and His purposes will forever be fulfilled in His children when they are seeking Him in the midst of "suffering."  I'm no expert in this subject, there are a million books and people who can communicate these awesome truths from God's Word much more effectively...there's nothing new under the sun...but it feels good to just let it out! :)  

I'm done for now, I have a couple of assignments due tomorrow and I think my Mcdonalds wi-fi time will run out soon!  FYI: I only came here for the vanilla iced coffee...it's OFF THE HOOK, but I refuse to be an addict of caffeine! ;)

April Showers bring May Flowers!

So it rained today. Not all day, just when I was getting ready to get out of my car would it start pouring :) and then it would get sunny again once I was inside. But it didn't bother me much, it was a good day to be comfy in a book store for a lil bit of studying and playing some practical jokes on people.

That's right, today my friends is April fools day... my favorite holiday. I never did claim this for myself, but my best friend finally deemed it as such when year after year, I would get her really really good. I tried today, but seeing how we were not together this year and it was noon before I attempted, she was on guard and ready to not believe anything I said. Oh well, I'm a little past my prime I guess. BUT, I did get one friend(who I don't talk to as often as I'd like) by telling her I met this guy and was sure he was the one, etc. She fell hard and I laughed hard. I got my sister and another friend as well(not on the same joke of course...they know nothing's new in that area) :). My mom, she's so easy. I got her twice in a row after she exclaimed (like everyone I 'fooled' today), "I was telling myself not to believe anything you say today and I fell for it anyway!" I love those words, haha. I got one of my best friend's boyfriend by telling him I was moving there and got a job, etc. He didn't like me too much for a few minutes after that. I got one friend by telling her I got my licensed suspended for a certain number of days, but no jail time for the awful, and I mean awful, ticket I got in January. That could have been a very real outcome(I'm still waiting to hear from my laywer) so of course she believed it and hated me for making her feel bad for me! Anyway, the list goes on but I absolutely love playing jokes and pranks on people...it was a good day.

I must warn you though, don't let this twisted mindset of mine once a year be confused with making fun of people, I absolutely HATE THAT...especially if someone is trying to make themselves look better. K, just had to clear that up!

Calling all readers....my curiosity is at an all time high.

All I'm sayin is...I know that 75% of the views I've gotten on this blog are from myself, but still...haha. Leave a comment sometime so I can check out YOUR blog(and so I can tell if my percentage needs to be adjusted, haha)!!!! :)

And I blogged today, so read below if u wanna!

The time has come...

It's been awhile, so here we are. It would be merely impossible for me to capture all that has come my way in the past month, but to sum it all up, God is good. I was able to visit one of my best friends in Chesapeake, VA where we left to go to a wedding, how fun! I also met her boyfriend who is super cool and loves the Lord! I got to spend some time with my family, I babysat my 5 and 10 year old boy cousins for the week-end and lost 10 pounds playing tag hide and seek over and over again, but who can pass that opportunity up? I'm no parent or anything, but I am convinced and believe strongly that spending time with your kids is the single most important thing in parenting(behind living the gospel of course!). Anyway...

Easter was great, we got together in Richmond at my Aunt's house and the entire family came! What a blessing. That's my favorite, when all 16+ of us spend the night in someone's house it is so fun. There is never ending great food and fellowship. I am always reminded of how gracious and good God is. We had a devotion that ended up being 2 hrs. long and the Lord broke a couple of walls down in my own heart as well (in front of the whole fam.)! It was a great reminder of what Christ did for me on the Cross at Calvary and what His resurrection means for me, life! Here is a great verse: "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:21 Amen!

That's pretty much it, I have come back to this bubble and I am believing God is about to do some pretty cool things in my life! :) I'll keep you posted...

p.s. I think I want to move to Chesapeake, or VA beach. Just a thought.

Snowboarding!!!

This event deserved a blog of its own. Last night, Sarahbelle and I ventured out to Appalachian ski mountain where I officially deemed myself a snowboarder. It all started on the bunny slope, well actually there was not much of a slope at all, haha. It was more of a flat run and was way to short for me to figure out how to maneuver my snowboard. By the time I got it, I was at the bottom hoping I wasn't going to wipe anyone out! Then it was back on the long standing ski lift to the top, only to go back down in .8 seconds. I did this for about an hour, the last half barely falling at all.

I will take this moment to brag on myself. "They" say that snowboarding is one of those things where the first time is pretty much an all you can eat snow buffet and butt meets snow festivities. Many people give up and revert back to what they know(skiing,which I also love), understandably so. I did not and take much delight in proving "they" wrong. :)

So after the hour of me going down the bunny slope without an actual slope, I told Sarahbelle I wanted to go to the next one up with her...it was no fun being apart from her and would make for some good laughs either way(as she could easily blaze past me on her skis). I had learned enough to know what to do to "steer" my board(although I was far from perfecting it at accumulating speeds...scary) and I was sick of waiting forever for a few seconds of doing the same thing over. After I rebuked Sarahbelle questioning me a couple of times asking if I really wanted to and suggesting I go down 1 more time, we were off to the next slope. I thought it was the next slope but we actually bypassed the next slope and went straight to #3. Yea, I'm all that and a stack of pancakes. I had a blast, fell a couple of times but was sold and learned how to control what I did :). After a few falls and the scare of a possible broken wrist, my adrenalin was out of control and we continued, despite the pain and for the most part, fall free. What a blast I had...can't wait for next season.

A past, present, and future thought(to come)...

Last night was a late one, 2am to be exact...sometimes ya gotta make a few sleeping sacrifices in order to catch up with closest friends. It was so worth it, although I am just short of "the nod" right now. Anywho, I was reminded of a verse in Romans 8 last night which made me think...I should just read that whole stinkin' chapter, I need it all!! And it certainly was nothing less than perfect.

Onto the present. Today, I am going to visit one of my dearest college friends and one of the 5 roommates I had last year. I am soooo excited for several reasons. For one, this friend means alot to me because of her love for the Lord and her consistant prayers for me, so I am just excited to see her face. She is one of 4 of us who are very close and keep an e-mail update chain throughout the week. Just sayin...

Reason #2: We are going snowboarding/skiing. I cannot tell you how happy I am about this. Probably because neither one of us are pros in the snow, so I am going to get some good, gut-wrenching laughs in fo sho! AND, I get to actually take my snowboard out on real slopes, not just the "mountains" of Lynchburg. I'm sure I'll blog about how that goes. :)

Reason #3: Banana bread muffins with chocolate chips in them. Oh my word, how I miss waking up to these in college. They are yummy with a nice cup of milk! (As much as this sounds like an idol, it's not. I promise if food ever becomes an idol you have permission to call me out on it.) ;)

Reason #4: Contra dancing. It all started back during some war when the french were our allies and they renamed what american's called "country dancing," to contra dancing because of their inability to pronounce the word right. While I very much appreciate country land, I am by no means a redneck so take that into consideration before you read any further. It's basically learning to line dance along with other sweet moves and is a great work-out at that. Anyway, it is not hard to learn once you get the basics and it is SO FUN. I really enjoy twirling in my skirt, but that only happens once you get real good...haha. If you want to learn more about this random dance or ever want to go to one, feel free to contact me. I'm always game.

Reason #5: I'm sure I will get to meet some people, and that's always a blast! PLUS, I get to see a "new" friend of mine(her name is Jenny) who is so fun to be around and has a sweet heart! yay.

Stay tuned... in the near future, I will blog about my adventures in Boone, NC!!!

p.s. My friend's name is Sarah, but I call her Sarahbelle...has a nice ring to it.

3 Words

I can't help but to wonder back to a conversation I had with a best friend of mine awhile back about life. As much as I've learned over the past few years, I'm still learning. Right when I thought my head would explode with so much information on various subjects and life lessons. But it hasn't yet, and I can only attribute that to the simplicity and beauty of the Gospel that is played out in my life daily. Each morning I wake up, grace and mercy from the Lord's hand await me for the day and ultimately are what sustain me, nothing else. His grace is sufficient and His right hand will sustain. When I choose to embrace and accept that, my day usually starts off great! Anyway, sometimes when my eyes are taken off of the prize(keywords: when my eyes are taken off the prize), I wonder what the purpose of certain things are that take place in my life. Sometimes this turns more into a prayer question than merely a wonder and I am always answered with the three simple words, FOR MY GLORY. And that is enough. That's all I need to hear, and then I am thankful for the privilege to walk through these circumstances, whatever they may be in any given day. If he becomes more, and I become less, it is well with my soul. If I can be reminded of the Lord my Savior, my Redeemer and the gospel of grace through the circumstances that take place, then give me the best and worst of them. Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, so my heart will take courage and wait upon the Lord, yet again...and again. My heart will rest in his steadfast love and I will rejoice, for I have been set free!

The Road

At least twice a week I find myself journeying down a very nice stretch of a road that I travel on for about 50 minutes. I started traveling this road during time when I wasn't sure where I was really going in life and find myself still traveling this road...in both case scenarios. How timely the Lord's analogies are as I've grown to love this road, or better put, the time I spend on it. It is a sweet time, a time of brokenness, a time of wonder, and a time of laughter, all in one sometimes. The obvious thing about this road is that I can't really get to my destination without traveling it. The greatest thing about this road is God and my experiences with Him. On this road, my theology meets my reality...this is faith.



The last sentence defines faith according to beth moore...I find it an accurate definition.

There's not really a part 2 :)

"For the word of the Lord is right and true;
he is faithful in all he does.
The Lord loves righteousness and justice;
the earth is full of his unfailing love."

"We wait in hope for the Lord;
he is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love rest upon us,
O Lord,
even as we put our hope in you."

Ps. 33:4-5, 20-22

v-day(part 1)

Is it bad that I have just now thought about it being valentines day? Some may say that I'm not a hopeless romantic for that and I would say that just isn't so....to a degree. Deep down, like every other girl, I am longing(sometimes more than others) for my knight in shining armor to come sweep me off my feet and give me a big smooch on the lips(once engaged?haha)...but today is not that day! What today is, however, is another day to be thankful for, to feel loved by my Savior who gave his life for me on the Cross...there is no greater love and for me and His is enough, simply put.

but...I can wait. I can wait for the perfect love of my life to come along, for however long it takes. I'm not niaeve enough to think he will be perfect though, don't worry... I don't expect that!

Anywho, this is just a random thought...once again not really the depths of my heart or anything but I almost felt obligated to write something about this today for some reason(ie. it's v-day!!!). :) And I am very much excited that my parents will be taking my sister and I out for dinner, dad will be with the 3 girls he loves the most...woot!

Enough

God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He is our Rock, our refuge, our fortress and mighty deliverer. He is a strong tower, our comforter, our Healer, our restorer, our ever present help in time of need. He is everlasting, all-knowing, all-powerful, Creator, Savior, King, sovereign. He was, is, and always will be this and so much more.

Who can compare to our God? For who is God besides the Lord?, And who is the Rock except our God? (Ps. 18)

This is somewhat common knowledge, but when I sit back and meditate on this it becomes so much more...real. It becomes belief, not just knowledge. And when you truely believe this, it's amazing how little we become. God is all we need. Circumstances and life itself can sometimes become distracting and painful, so naturally we run to God with our boo boo and He just restores us and cares for us and puts us back together so lovingly. How He delights in His children is beyond me, but I am thankful nonetheless. He loves when we rely on Him, when we seek Him and ask for grace. He is a gracious and loving God, slow to anger and abounding in love. I love who God is, he is certainly Enough.

College

I really really really miss the memories that accompanied college right about now. As I talked with one of my best friends last night briefly, we reminisced once again about the good times we spent together and how being apart is pretty stinky. She and I were butt buddies last year especially and were both nursing majors so we pretty much did everything together. But I miss our talks the most, how we would have to schedule quality talk time for like an hour here and there with our study loads being so heavy, but it always turned out to be several hours...which was nice. We would get away from school(most of the time we'd hit up our friends-the employees...at Bojangles) and sit and talk about the Lord. I miss that alot. We would talk about areas of weakness, sometimes in one another and we'd discuss scriptures and things we didn't understand. The conversation was always centered around the Lord and seasoned with Grace...most of the time accompanied by much much LAUGHTER. She always challenged me in a loving way to pursue my Savior, that for which I am eternally grateful for. She didn't always do this verbally, her life in general is that of a Prov. 31 woman and I can't say that about myself or many others right now. Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble, I just really miss her. :)

Some of my favorite college memories from my senior year:
1. swimming laps and talking in the jacusee(sp?) w/Ash afterwards.
2. Our apartment, the beephouse and all the joy and laughter that flowed from there on a daily, minute by minute basis.
3. Seeking the Lord with close friends.
4. I miss mother/baby clinicals.
5. The Christian fellowship that surrounded me.
6. Being taught in great detail the Word of God from the church I went to.
7. Talking on the phone to one of my other best friends on our wabbly wooden porch deck in the back that will fall any day now. :)
8. Random road trips with the video camera acting SILLY, really really silly.
9. Hiking
10. Defining the song "GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN" with my roommates. :)

I am very blessed, college was the BEST and now the Lord is taking care of me, revealing to me His plans one step at a time...how exciting!!!

Communication

I really enjoy communication. I enjoy both talking and listening, both writing and reading it, and especially old fashioned communication like letters and phone calls-they are the best. I'm not sure why, but the movie Little Women comes to my mind as I type this. I LOVE that movie, I love how important family and relationships were in that movie and how there were less distractions to take them away from those important gifts from God. Don't get me wrong, I really really really appreciate technology ALOT, sometimes too much...just trying to find the balance. I think I'd be okay without it. I don't remember actually ever reading this book, but I could probably identify with "Sarah Plain and Tall" (even though I'm not so tall)...it's the simple things in life that I find great joy in, yippee.

*Random* I'm reading in Exodus and it is SO dog on good. Many thoughts about that right now...

crying

Sometimes I just love crying. I mean not when is out of sadness really, although that happens, but moreso just when I need a good cry. It's so healthy for you and feels really good. Pretty much just like a good laugh, I mean a goooood laugh. You know how you laugh all the time and at little stuff(okay maybe that's just me), and sometimes you cry(get teary eyed) all the time at stuff but there's just nothing like a side-splitting laugh or a heart wretching wailing. Just saying...I think I might want to cry tonight, it probably won't happen, but it would be great. :)

My best friend is about to go on tour in March and April. She will be releasing the most recent CD she's been working on at the end of April titled "The Invitation," and it's phenominal. She is kind of a big deal :). haha...I do love her to death, I love the fact that she is always herself and treats everyone the same, even if she does end up "famous." I think about how far the Lord has brought her and reminisce in my head of the thousands of conversations we've had the past 5 years ish and how I always knew deep down God would be big in her music and He would bless her and entrust her with things bigger than herself. Anyway, just thought I'd insert this, because I was just thinking about her. If you ever get a chance, check her blogspot out, its one of the web addresses on the left of this page. I love her music, ministry, etc. and I can't figure out if I am bias or not, for real. k, done.

Another thing I love is water. I wish I could live in water. I can't really go near water without getting in or at least touching it...which makes for a very cold time if its winter. I once jumped in the fountain at Liberty, but who hasn't? :)

read away

Just FYI(disclaimer): I think that this blog is more for entertainment than for personal spilling...or both. Because my brain goes 1 million miles an hour it's impossible for me to write all that I am thinking in great depth, but boy is it there. So instead what I write up here tends to be a little lighter than who I am, just wanted to clear that up cuz...it's all about me anyway. ;)

Okay, now that I'm past what all of you may think of me(all 2 of you who have read this) I will share a bit of what I'm thinking, a very wee bit.

Coffee: coffee makes me ambitious, REALLY ambitious about life, in every area of life. Seriously, if you want to do a case study for the effects of caffiene/coffee I'm your woman. It is a high that I don't get anywhere else nor do I get it on purpose. Sometimes I just like to drink coffee type stuff. But don't worry, I refuse to pay 3-4 dollars for it. :) hmm, another good topic.

Money: I hate money, I've decided I don't mind being poor and living as such. It would be even greater for that to happen as a result to me giving all that I possess or my riches towards the kingdom of God or to show His love to less fortunate. I'm no saint for saying that because I don't care if that's not what happens, I still probably wouldn't mind if I had nothing. :) I could seriously care less about stuff, I think it's part of my personality so it's lucky for me that it goes hand in hand with the teachings of the Word! It's very very hard living in settings with exact opposite opinions. Oh well. (somebody remind me of this post when I'm filthy rich)... :) (that was a joke).

Nature: I love nature, I'll often ride by a wooded area and just think...man I would love to just walk/hike with no purpose but to be alone in creation with God and enjoy the freedom and adventures unplanned.

Friends: I could write a book on this subject. I have the best, that's all I'm saying. Yea yea, everybody says that but I say that according to the definitions/truths of the Word.

Love: I am always humbled by this topic it seems, especially dealing with patience. LOVE IS PATIENT. It's so true, when I am about to be impatient with someone I love I think...no, for me to tell this person I love them would be a lie if I am always so impatient, etc. C.J. Mahaney said in one of his books (Humility) that impatience is linked with pride. So true. I want to love like 1 Cor. 13:1-8.

Knowledge: I don't possess enough of it. :)

k I'm done...I reach this point once I start analyzing everything I've said or think too hard about what else I want to say.

Unprepared

I just want to write out everything I am feeling right now, nothing extremely significant or profound...just a little bit of me!

I am taking classes towards grad school right now. I hope to apply and get in for the fall semester. But I am learning it is DIFFERENT from undergrad, extremely. I can't figure out if that is good for me or not. You see, there is a ton of reading and writing involved-both of which I feel my skill level in these areas is very inadequate. Not just reading or just writing, but communicating analytical data and information learned from reading/writing. My brain is just not naturally geared that way. I have more of a free spirited, love everything, hippy brain (what?). Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE to read things I enjoy learning about, it's just the analyzing data, etc. that I'm not so great at. Hmm, I think I may have not painted the right picture of me in your heads. What I mean by the free-spirited brain(haha) is simply that its not that I hate analyzing data or reading it, I just like to do it at my own pace in my own way. k, done here.

I am working full time now so school is not exactly my number 1 priority, but it will be in 2 weeks when I quit my job. I think I will feel better about my performance in this area at that time. Right now, I have a 1 1/2 page paper to write(I just found out a/b it this morning) by 4pm and 3 articles to read. Yea, I know...if I keep it up like this I'll never make it through grad school. Anyway, I was challenged and convicted by Hebrews 12:11 last night, I've got to start praying that out loud daily, for school and NCLEX purposes. If I can just keep God at the center of my gaze, my entire gaze, maybe I'll be more inclined to be disciplined in the area of my studies for HIS glory if for nothing else. That's all that matters anyway. After all, when you love someone with your entire, whole heart and self, it is the desire of your heart to please them and you delight in being beautiful to them in every area of life. Good thing the Lord's love is unconditional and He sees me as His beautiful daughter no matter what!

I am writing this before I do my assignment to calm my nerves down before I look at what exactly I have to write about so I don't get anxious or freak out about not being prepared for the 2 classes I have tonight...God's peace is a wonderful feeling.

Class is getting better, still adjusting to it being more secular in conversation and atmosphere and praying for wisdom in how to live out my faith boldly in this setting. My heart breaks for my professors, I have not gotten to know many more other people as most of them are busy medical students, medical doctors, or serve in some other health capacity full-time aside from school. I have to constantly remind myself to be confident in the Lord's calling on my life and trust him. On that note, I really should start my paper now.

I DO care that I am representing Christ to my fellow student colleagues and professors and fear the Lord greatly in this matter, that is another reason for me to strive to do well. k, done..

Future Spouse Analogy

Okay, I'm taking a quick study break to write a silly analogy about finding a future spouse. I'm in no rush and am quite content at the moment in my singleness. BUT...

I just had the random thought that when I meet the "right" man out there, it will be right. As right as searching for a coat. Last winter, I needed a coat that looked nice with jeans (casual wear), and dressy clothes. Well I'm not much on trendiness unfortunately, and have no clue about style, but I just KNEW when I saw the coat I wanted it would be perfect. And it was. I wanted one with color, brown and black both I felt would limit and plus I just love color, can't help it. I didn't want to pay a lot for it (not big on spending mulah on clothes) and refused to settle on something I wouldn't wear for the rest of my life. :) This is much like my future spouse. I know what I "want" and some things just aren't worth settling for. I found my coat, it was perfect, and one day, Lord willing, I will be placed with the perfect mate for me! yay.

Blogging lends itself way to easy for me to write silly thoughts. Back to reading about the development of maternal child health programs!

Motives

My Opinion: Motives are everything.

In James 4:3 the Word says,

"When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

I have learned over the past couple of years that motives make us do what we do. Many times I have not done something or said something because I knew that I didn't really mean it(thanks to the sweet voice of the Holy Spirit). The Holy Spirit and living Word has kindly rebuked me from doing GOOD many many times because the motives of my heart were just wrong and self-righteous or self-glorifying most likely. Even just saying something as simple as, "you mean so much to me" or "I'm praying for you"(this statement is way overused in my opinion). If I say it, I mean it. I made up my mind dog on it(I mean really, how many times must I be corrected before change occurs?), that I do not want to be a liar no matter how great it makes me look. I want my actions to reflect my words in order to please and glorify the Lord and not myself. Doing things for others should come out of an overflow of our love for the Lord and a promting from the Holy Spirit.


It has been rather frustrating actually. Anytime the Lord works to remove the sin/idols/dirt from my heart and thoughts, it is painful and frustrating. I'm pretty confident that every active believer of Christ will admit this. The bottom root in my personal case is Pride. Lord forgive me for thinking I am anything apart from you(John 15:5). "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Proverbs 3:34 I am extremely grateful for this, that our Savior loves us enough to stop us from doing something that would only bring praise to ourselves and not point others to Him. I fail on a daily basis because of pride. So when I/we ask for the Lord to remove the pride in our hearts, to show and remind us of the wretched sinners we are... and the Cross, His grace and mercy cover us. How thankful I am for the gospel of grace.


I don't like the wording of this blog very much...just sayin. :) Read the Bible, it is much better...it doesn't contain persuading human words.

Selfish

Something I think about when I'm selfish...

If you're a human, you're selfish, bottom line. I am a great example and am so thankful that through the loving kindness of my heavenly Father, He reminds me of this. There was once a time when I thought I was not selfish, I did things for people and would give away anything really and always thought about them before myself. Yep, we could call that unselfish, right? Until... I traded selfishness in for PRIDE. Because I was selfless in my actions, I became prideful in my thoughts. I was way excited about being selfless and got more excited about being selfless than I did about actually being excited for whom I was putting before myself. My motives had changed. If this wording confuses you, here is a quote by C.S. Lewis that sums it up...

"The negative ideal of unselfishness carries with it the suggestion not primarily of securing the good things for others, but of going without them ourselves, as if our abstinence and not their happiness was the important point." - C.S. Lewis

Soooo, it's true that we receive more joy from giving and putting others before ourselves than the other way around, but let us not get too far ahead of ourselves and lose all sense of humility in our motives. This could be said for all that we do...

Verb=action

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 Jn. 3:18

Love is a verb. Let's face it, sometimes talk is cheap. But when you talk the talk AND walk the walk, it can be very exhausting. I don't do it nearly enough, therefore I am not too tired at the moment.

Love languages, how many times has this been the topic of your conversation? Everybody wants to be/feel loved, of course! Alot of times I'll observe others and critique them (many times unfortunately before the plank is out of my own eye) and there's one thing I've noticed. People are precious. We try to love other people with all of our heart and all the while not realizing that we are loving like we want to be loved and the other person feels nothing. Thus, we have love languages. Loving people the way they receive it the most even when we don't prefer to receive it that way is very difficult, and requires us to give a little without necessarily being fulfilled ourselves= SELFLESSNESS. One of my love languages is physical touch...one of them. This is evident to most that know me, I will give a hug at the drop of a hat. My tender heart is still getting over the fact that not everybody has the same love language and that it's not all about me(go figure). If we want to serve people truely, to be selfless, we gotta figure out what means the most to them and love them that way. That's all I'm saying...nothin' new under the sun...

The greatest example of this Love to no surprise is Christ himself who, "demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Rom. 5:8)

Once again: "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us...." 1 Jn 3:16

"...because God is love. 9This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." 1 John 4:8-10

I encourage you to read all of 1 John...and perhaps 1 Cor. 13 the luvv chapter (ohh la lah). Right when you think you really love people, just read the verse that says love is patient. It works every time for me. Patience = humility and I lack both alot of times. Thank goodness the Lord is quick to show me. :) ouch.

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Sometimes it's nice not being so close to people. Cuz when you start to get so close you're treating someone like family, it may not be the best thing. I don't treat my family as great as I'd like or tell them as often as I should how much they mean to me. I don't tell them how thankful I am for them, or do random nice things that I know will make their day, or just tell them I love them for the hec of it. But I do appreciate and love them, more than anybody! But it's true, I've seen that with relationships I have that after time, you don't express or say things because its assumed. I think that's stupid. :) I'm sure that is something I will work on with my husband one day, to keep the fire a burnin'!!!!! haha...until then I will practice with those I love no matter how long I've known them, I will treat them as nicely as I do strangers. Cause that's how I want to be treated(when all else fails, remember the golden rule).

funny story

The other day, I called my best friend a goose. I forgot the word silly and it was funny. The end.

contentment and true religion

Lately, the Lord has made known to me so many things I have to be thankful for. My heart gets overwhealmed so easily at the simplest things and I don't want Him to remove me from this place, ever. As it says in 1 Tim. 6:6 "But godliness with contentment is great gain." So the Word on my mind lately is

Proverbs 30:7-9 "Two things I ask of you, O Lord; do not refuse me before I die: keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, 'Who is the Lord?' Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God." This is my prayer.

Also, another scripture that I cannot seem to get off my mind is

James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." I highlighted the last part because in my growing love and compassion for fatherless children and the elderly, I have not really ever meditated on the last part of this verse, until recently. This is just as important as the first part of the verse, obviously. It's important, huge, to put on the armor of God and fight off the pollution that is perhaps deceiving us and keeping us from ministering to the orphans and widows(and everyone) for God's glory. It's good to be reminded that the battle against the principalities of this world requires DEFENSE and offense...and flat out RUNNING from all that contradicts the teaching of the Word of God.

That's it for now.

Blogging hesitations

I like the idea of blogging but I am scared to spill things out that are a big part of who I am, such as my thoughts. Why? Because the end result is major vulnerability. I want to be cautious about who I spill my heart/thoughts out to and have discernment about how much people know about me...I don't really know why. Honestly, I think it's because the only 2 "people" I care to ever know me completely or at least to hear me express my heart and/or thoughts are God and my future spouse, whoever he may be.

If these are the only two people I share my heart with completely, they are the only two people who can hurt it. The Lord does not have plans to harm me so I know I am safe there, and as for my future spouse, I'll cross that bridge when I get there. :) But it's time to open up, risk a little pain and hope for the best!

So here are a plethora of my thoughts(well, soon to be) with explanations tagging along. I'll try to make this complicated mess in my brain we like to call thoughts as reader friendly as possible. :) Enjoy!

Great

Ha! I have NO clue how to use this stuff, I think I already put a title where it doesn't belong. Kristi meet technology. woot.