Unprepared

I just want to write out everything I am feeling right now, nothing extremely significant or profound...just a little bit of me!

I am taking classes towards grad school right now. I hope to apply and get in for the fall semester. But I am learning it is DIFFERENT from undergrad, extremely. I can't figure out if that is good for me or not. You see, there is a ton of reading and writing involved-both of which I feel my skill level in these areas is very inadequate. Not just reading or just writing, but communicating analytical data and information learned from reading/writing. My brain is just not naturally geared that way. I have more of a free spirited, love everything, hippy brain (what?). Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE to read things I enjoy learning about, it's just the analyzing data, etc. that I'm not so great at. Hmm, I think I may have not painted the right picture of me in your heads. What I mean by the free-spirited brain(haha) is simply that its not that I hate analyzing data or reading it, I just like to do it at my own pace in my own way. k, done here.

I am working full time now so school is not exactly my number 1 priority, but it will be in 2 weeks when I quit my job. I think I will feel better about my performance in this area at that time. Right now, I have a 1 1/2 page paper to write(I just found out a/b it this morning) by 4pm and 3 articles to read. Yea, I know...if I keep it up like this I'll never make it through grad school. Anyway, I was challenged and convicted by Hebrews 12:11 last night, I've got to start praying that out loud daily, for school and NCLEX purposes. If I can just keep God at the center of my gaze, my entire gaze, maybe I'll be more inclined to be disciplined in the area of my studies for HIS glory if for nothing else. That's all that matters anyway. After all, when you love someone with your entire, whole heart and self, it is the desire of your heart to please them and you delight in being beautiful to them in every area of life. Good thing the Lord's love is unconditional and He sees me as His beautiful daughter no matter what!

I am writing this before I do my assignment to calm my nerves down before I look at what exactly I have to write about so I don't get anxious or freak out about not being prepared for the 2 classes I have tonight...God's peace is a wonderful feeling.

Class is getting better, still adjusting to it being more secular in conversation and atmosphere and praying for wisdom in how to live out my faith boldly in this setting. My heart breaks for my professors, I have not gotten to know many more other people as most of them are busy medical students, medical doctors, or serve in some other health capacity full-time aside from school. I have to constantly remind myself to be confident in the Lord's calling on my life and trust him. On that note, I really should start my paper now.

I DO care that I am representing Christ to my fellow student colleagues and professors and fear the Lord greatly in this matter, that is another reason for me to strive to do well. k, done..