awwww man

I recently(like 2 hours ago) dropped the book I was reading in the bathtub when I was relaxing. How sad? It's drying now, well kind of.

I just wanted to mention by the way, that the girl mentioned in the previous post (Andrea Neal was her name) left her medical form from the ambulance in my car...with all her info on it. :) I might be able to get in touch with her...hmmm, ya never know... :)

READ BELOW, I JUST POSTED IT!

Hope for the hopeless

So I was in Wilmington for my cousin's wedding this past week-end. It was a blast to say the least, from kickball with the wedding party(most of us) on Thursday, to giggling at night with new friends, to the beauty of a God-centered marriage on the actual day. BUT... I have a story...

Thursday night after kickball, we dispersed to our destinations with a couple of pit stops in between. For my sister and I, it was starbucks(I wanted to do some reading, she needed to work on the powerpoint for the rehearsal dinner) and for our sister-in-law(SIL) it was Ross...or so we thought. I picked up the phone to let my SIL in her car behind us (about 4 cars back) know to turn left at the next light. We were turning right as she started saying someone got in a wreck. To spare all the details, it was not a pretty sight so I went ahead and turned as planned into the shopping center and parked across from the wreck. Only to find out the girl who slammed into another girl was "stuck" in her car. After I saw nobody but one lady was heading her way, I just got out and approached her as well. We managed to get her out of the car(which is not what you should do medically but the other lady who was a retired nurse insisted we move her because the car was "going to blow up") and carried her to the shoulder of the busiest road in Wilminton(college road).

To spare you from even more details, I'll fast forward to the part where my heart got way involved. After doing my nursing assessment while holding this girl who was pretty hurt on the side of the road, and after her not going in the ambulance to the hospital, I was so sad for her as she explained her situation in a "im in shock and despair" sort of way. She ended up sitting with me in my car(with the heat full blast) and I was praying this whole time mind you, for strength to take the opportunity to share God's love, wisdom, and to hold my tears back as she was not crying herself. You see...

After a few questions and more details I won't go into, I found out she used to be a surg tech, she hurt her leg previously in February and does not have medical insurance, and she found out her mom has breast cancer THAT VERY DAY. All I managed to do for her in the short time we had in my car was listen, tell her how sorry I was, and pray a prayer of hope(I decided that's more so what it was). I cannot imagine her situation, how hopeless she must feel, but I know the God in whom I trust and serve is mighty to save and gives hope to the hopeless...so that's where I turned. I wish I could say she gave her life to the Lord in the midst of her physical and emotional pain, but that probably wasn't the time...if nothing else, the Lord sure used the situation to give me a heart check and remember no matter the circumstances, I know that as a child of God, I have hope.

"and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:5

"He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again." 2 Corinthians 1:10

I don't have a clever title for this post. :)

I didn't put a title because I have so many topics I want to talk about since it's been awhile. So here we go!...

Lately, I've been working a lot, a whole lot. Or maybe it seems that way because it's my only obligation right now...I pretty much work and then hang out with people of all kinds...all the time.

My job is great. I am so grateful to be a labor and delivery nurse...what a privilege. I mean who doesn't want to be at the first birthday ever? :) I don't really know how people used to give birth without a nurse around...gotta have a great husband I guess. ha. I'm about to transition to the "high risk" labor and delivery unit and I am scared outta my mind considering the dangerousness of the drugs I will be administering. But I will learn and it will be alright.

So I hang out with people a lot as I mentioned before, it has almost taken the place of how much I read but I'm trying to get back there because I learn so much from books. Which brings me to my next point. I'm reading this book by K.P. Yohannan called "The Road to Reality," and I won't give a book review right now but there are two sweet sentences that have jumped out at me as the Lord has used this book already to convict me and challenge me to die to myself and my fleshly desires.

This first quote is the author defending the truth about what Christianity in the western world is like today and a response to a believer who would say something like, "Christians aren't perfect, they're just forgiven" or "lets be careful not to put people on guilt trips or teach legalism." Now I am guilty as charged with thinking that sometimes, because I am prone to get grace confused with tolerance very easily. But Yohannan's response was this...and its good...

"We have to question a Christianity that has so distorted the gospel of grace that a simple call to obedience is mistaken for legalism."

How 'bout them apples?

I always appreciate new insight on issues such as grace and legalism like I said before because I swing to both extremes from time to time. Anyway, I feel like I have indulged in hedonism lately, finding pleasure in pleasure itself rather than Christ. Whether it be fun or food or internet, or people, nothing is more satisfying than Christ and the peace He floods my heart with. May I keep learning how to die to my flesh and take up my Cross and follow Christ, however rocky or smooth the road may be.

I'll stop here before I wanna tell the story about how someone offended me the other day and it was all I could do to not feel immediately judged when I said what college I went to...random, I know. But it happened...k that's all. :)

The Race

I literally just got back from a 1 3/4 mile run with a friend of mine. I told her I want to start running(again) and get back in shape while I can. Well, I just met this friend a week ago and we've had dinner once since then where the Lord was certainly present in our conversations. All this to say, she happens to be a runner and has been for many years. I didn't really know the extent of it until just now...she was a wonderful coach/encourager/and drill sergeant(sp?) while I dragged a footstep behind gasping for each breath praying deep down I would survive the next 1/2 mile without passing out.

Along the way, she would speak(I just knodded) great scriptures of running the good race, persevering to the end, etc. in effort to inspire me. Although my entire body felt like it was giving out, falling apart, and after my complaining when I had the breath to do so, I really was reminded of how life here on earth is merely a race, a journey and that giving up is just not an option. Ever. That's about it. More important than my Words, the inspired apostle Paul writes alot about this in his many letters to the church, etc. and I encourage you to check it out.

God is good, I am thankful for the health to be able to walk, run, and just live. He is the giver of all things good and is ultimately our very breath and next heartbeat. So keep running the race my fellow brothas and sistas. :)

Pausing to Think

The past few days have been nice. I actually had 3 days off in a row so I took them and headed to the beach to visit my cousin and his fiancee. They had to work while I was there, which gave me a chance to go to the Carolina shores and replay the whirlwind of a month it's been in my head. I was able to enjoy some R&R, and finally finish the spiritually thought provoking book I've been reading since May. :) We had some great fellowship together when they got home, whether it was grabbing ice-cream after dinner or going to watch my cousin play city league softball. It was encouraging and I was once again reminded of the blessing of a close family.

Last week I saw some crazy stuff at work and it scared me, but more so it stirred questions in me. Like, why are infants allowed to be taken home to abusive parents, alcoholics, drug abusers, etc. My heart wants to take the baby and run, but it breaks just as much for the hurting, broken, parents. I have always been kind of a people pleaser, or maybe just really easy to get along with. I have strong opinions mainly about spiritual things and everything else I could care less about most of the time. I want to help people, whether it be to solve all their problems, give them all I have, or whatever else, I am willing to do it. This can often lead me to be self-righteous and prideful especially in my thinking if I'm not careful to check my motives beforehand. To think that anyone needs me or what I have to offer, above Christ in me, is foolish. The bottom line is it's not about me, it's about the work Christ accomplished through the Cross for me and the abundant life He's made available to me. I want people to know that more than anything.

Now I'm back from vacation, and it's back to work I go tomorrow while my gracious parents will be moving me in to my new apartment(dad will put my bed together and mom will probably do some cleaning, etc.). It should be a fun, work-filled week-end!

Overwhelming joys

Well, life as I know it is going just great. When I consider the bigger picture, aside from the common everyday hassles of living in America, I am about as blessed a daughter of a King as any. God has consistently lavished his unconditional love and grace on me through this transitional phase of life even though I have not been as faithful to Him along the way.

I have recently met two really really cool girls to live with for at least the next year which has cut down on my living costs tremendously(so my whiny attitude has gotten better, ie, the last post). I really think they will be wonderful roommates and that mutual edification in our walks with the Lord will be of great priority in our household. That makes me excited.

The hospital is going well, I'm nowhere near starting my full time position strictly on L&D, but I'm learning the ropes of women's services(and boy are they long ropes!) slowly but surely. I have enjoyed every moment thus far. I still feel like I know absolutely nothing. :)

It is very nice to see that this is exactly where the Lord intended on me being, although it's completely different than what I had in mind, to a degree. There is no greater feeling than totally trusting in the Lord and feeling the peace that He gives in return. The Lord is continuing to restore my heart and love for Him as I filter through the unnecessary feelings, emotions, and baggage I've carried for the past year. I have learned not to put so much trust in myself, but rather in God's amazing grace and mercies that are new each day. I am looking for a church now that will continuously point me to the Cross and keep the Gospel at the forefront of every ministry, service, etc. In time, I hope to get involved in missions around the Greenville area as well. I've met some great, encouraging people along the way and hope to meet many more!

I'm eventually going to join a gym, or something...haha.

I am still nowhere near being settled here, but I have a decent jump start and in the midst of a wacky schedule and lots of PB&J's, I am finding my secure source of contentment and foundation in the Word. To God be the glory and praise for the blessings and grace He has lavished on me the past few months.

Hebrews 12:1-2

Real Life

...is expensive. Dag. I feel bad saying that because I am so blessed, but I'm beginning to see all the hassle with being completely independent. I think I may be alone in the way I feel about living as cheap as possible in order to put money in more important things/people/kingdom work, etc. but that doesn't really bother me.

I'm trying to find a cheap apartment where I will be working for two years and getting my masters(Lord willing) and I've come to realize there is no such thing! Awesome. Seriously, all I need is a bed. Maybe after I start working long 12 hr. shifts I will understand when people say, "yea but you will want somewhere to call home, a nice place to just relax." I hope I do understand, because until then even $500.00 seems expensive just for me to live somewhere when I don't really need an entire place as a single individual. Just because I will have money for my basic needs doesn't mean it has to be spent for them.

Haha...yea I am open to a change of mind, I'm not 100% stuck in my ways, I guess I just have a different mentality. This all will change when I have a family someday, but my needs are very basic and I just needed to vent about how all I need is just a place to sleep(which may or may not be worth $500.00 once I start work). :)

I gotta start spilling my thoughts more, its been awhile!